I Bet You Say That To All The Girls...

Amber here.

Soooo, when I learned that the older doc sent the exact same email to Tiffany, I thought it would be fun to call him on it. But he didn't even bite-no Reply at all. (wuss) And he was like 20 years older than me (dirty old man!). What could he be thinking?

However, the lesson Tiff and I learned is that some of the guys online are just looking for someone...and female is the only requirement. 'K...add that to the list of online rules.

Then I got brave and communicated with a guy who seemed like the type of guy I'm lookin' for. He appeared to be in the same career field as me, and had similar interests, background and age range, and I liked the way he looked in his photos (for whatever that's worth).

He responded quickly. We traded emails for a while, and he seemed totally cool-very appropriate. I suggested he meet me out-I was going to Happy Hour with friends. He could not make it, but he offered to have me come over to his place one night and he would cook dinner for me (how nice).

When I said I'd rather meet in public, he stopped responding. Go figure!

Not that I have an objection to a man cooking me dinner. Au Contrare...I would love that! But not someone I've never met-he could be Ted Bundy...or he could be Al Bundy, and I'm not sure which is worse at this stage in the game. (I'm hardly a sorority girl, ya know!)

So, yet another disappointment...are we havin' fun yet?

Tiffany's intro

Okay, looks like my pen name is Tiffany.

I admit upfront that I tried online dating several years ago. I did meet some interesting people, was shocked a few times, and learned a few lessons, nothing special but it was fun. I'm not looking for marriage (that is a relationship decision, not a life goal) but my sister did meet her husband online. So I decided to give it another shot and talked Amber into joining me.

A female friend had advised us to not limit ourselves to guys who were traditionally "our type." So, in the name of personal growth and open mindedness, Amber and I were intent on broadening our horizons to include men who were maybe a little older, a little chubbier, a little less educated, a little more balding, a little less attractive. How niave!

Profile posted . . . current photos posted . . . let the fun begin!

Right off I received several winks . . . from senior citizens. What? I checked my profile to make sure I hadn't accidentally posted my mother's photo. Nope, it was me, still in my 40s.

Reality shock #1. It turns out that most guys in their 40s seem to want women in their 20s and 30s; men looking for a 40-something female are in their late 50s and 60s - whether or not they have something special to offer to compensate for the age gap.

So I tried to read with an open mind an email from a man who claimed to be a doctor and was at least 10 years older. His appearance was neat but not attractive. Keep an open mind! I politely replied and he immediately wanted to meet. After a brief exchange of emails lacking substance, I had decided we weren't a match. I wasn't going to give my number to a man who wouldn't reveal more about himself online.

Amber called with news of a guy who had just winked at her. When she read his email it became obvious: he was a cut-and-paste, unoriginal kinda guy using a shotgun approach to fish among all the new profiles. His words to her were the same words he had written to me. Amber replied to him: "thank you but I'll bet you say that to all the girls."

As my sister said when she was single, "Next!"

This is Amber signing in for a brief introduction. Where does an intelligent, attractive, divorced woman meet suitable men to "date?" You know what I mean by suitable: they're good on paper and good to look at...and can clean up and act appropriately for a dinner or social function. So, in search of suitable men to date, Amber and Tiffany signed up with a popular online dating service.

It was a challenge to begin with, because we didn't know what to write in our profiles or what kind of picture to post, or even search parameters. After researchinbg these issues with our friends who have more online savvy than we do, we learned some very important information that we are compelled to share:

1) Profiles: Saying things like "looking for fun" or "not interested in a serious relationship" communicates that you are looking for a casual sexual fling. So, the fact that we are looking to find "dates" not "boyfriends" or "husbands" has to be communicated in some other fashion. (Who knew that such verbage does not mean what it says?)

2)Pictures: Some people post really old photos of themselves, like "back in the day" pix that are not an accurate representation of their current physical appearance. (The nerve!) And then you don't recognize them in person. (Can you say false advertising?) Or, they don't post pictures at all, which often means they are in a relationship, perhaps married, and looking for a "li'l sumpn'" on the side. Or it's a con to get your private contact information.

3) Search parameters: If there are few or no parameters, chances are someone is just looking for a cyber relationship-who cares if they are communicating with someone a few miles away or in Australia? Fewer parameters increases the possibilities, while more parameters limit the possibilities, so the search parameters do not really reflect what a person seeks in a partner or date. (So this is how the game is played?)

And here we go...Tiff fires up the digital camera and we take "current" pictures of ourselves, because we don't want to misrepresent ourselves. We actually played "dress-up" to the amusement and delight of my daughter (she's 4) and took pictures in my living room. We did the hair, nails and make-up, tried a few different outfits and drank some wine and laughed about me standing on my head to make it look like I have cleavage...so now when Tiff comes by, my daughter joyfully says "Hey, we can play dress-up again-take pictures of me now."

Then we started with the profiles. Tiff did a great job on hers, but I had a really hard time making myself sound interesting without sounding like a party-girl porno vixen. (LOL) We started with narrow search parameters, because we are discerning......how silly can we be?

Our first mistake: being logical...

Here we go...meet bachelor #1-Dr. Yes: A 23 year old student (not a doctor of anything). My profile says that I am 40, and interested in professional men 35-45. What's wrong with this picture? Hmmmm. I wonder, Mrs. Robinson, what he's interested in? "And here's to you..."

But wait...here's another email from a new candidate: an older gentleman (58) and a real doctor. Not really attractive, but I'm trying to look beyond my typical physical "type" (more on the reasons later). He's good on paper, and he seemed genuine in his email. This is getting interesting...I'll get Tiffany's opinion before I reply.

Mismatches, disharmonies, and other faux pauses

We were sitting in a restaurant this afternoon, two divorced women in their 40s, sharing the latest laughs and disbeliefs from online dating when it became obvious: these stories are just too darn entertaining to keep to ourselves.

We've donned the nicknames of Amber and Tiffany - arguably the antithesis of our real images - and have launched this blog about the reality of online dating, at least among 40-something white females, divorced, well educated, with children. We haven't yet figured out which one of us is Amber or Tiffany - but pull up a chair, pop open a drink, and laugh with us as we share with you the mismatches, disharmonies, and faux paus of virtually dating online (pun intended).

Signed, Amber or Tiffany (I haven't decided yet....)