Self assessment
A week or so ago I ran across the profile of a guy who went to my high school (although I didn't know him then). We also went to the same university - his bachelors degree, my graduate degree (so we weren't there at the same times). Small world, I thought, so I emailed him that. He responded with a thanks and suggested that we meet.
I didn't really look at his profile in the dating sense - my mistake - but in looking at it again it appears that we do have some things in common, some important things are different. But you can't really tell much by some profiles. I responded with a suggestion that we email a little bit to get to know each other just a bit - such as first names - before meeting and he responded.
After a round of emails two things became apparent. First, he said he was specifically looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage. I have never understood having a goal of marriage. I can understand wanting to meet the right person for a lasting relationship but, to me, marriage is a natural progression within a relationship, not a goal. Anyone can get married - but being meeting someone who becomes your best friend and eventually becoming happily married to them is quite an achievement.
Second, I realized that the thought of meeting a stranger for a prospective friendship (let alone one looking for marriage) scared the bajeebers out of me. Ouch. Not a pleasant thing to realize about oneself. The confident businesswoman by day had turned into a whimp in the dating world. How did this happen? When? I meet people every day at work but not for dates. And, truth be known, that's why I think people should meet to see if friendships can develop and, if so, if any romantic attraction grows between friends, attraction inside and out. It takes the pressure off.
Still, I'm a whimp. It was much easier when the matches who winked at me or emailed me were obviously not a match - 20 years older or younger, only interested in sex or in using someone, etc. It's not so easy to honestly assess myself now. If and when I gain any insights on this, I'll let you know.
- Tiffany
I didn't really look at his profile in the dating sense - my mistake - but in looking at it again it appears that we do have some things in common, some important things are different. But you can't really tell much by some profiles. I responded with a suggestion that we email a little bit to get to know each other just a bit - such as first names - before meeting and he responded.
After a round of emails two things became apparent. First, he said he was specifically looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage. I have never understood having a goal of marriage. I can understand wanting to meet the right person for a lasting relationship but, to me, marriage is a natural progression within a relationship, not a goal. Anyone can get married - but being meeting someone who becomes your best friend and eventually becoming happily married to them is quite an achievement.
Second, I realized that the thought of meeting a stranger for a prospective friendship (let alone one looking for marriage) scared the bajeebers out of me. Ouch. Not a pleasant thing to realize about oneself. The confident businesswoman by day had turned into a whimp in the dating world. How did this happen? When? I meet people every day at work but not for dates. And, truth be known, that's why I think people should meet to see if friendships can develop and, if so, if any romantic attraction grows between friends, attraction inside and out. It takes the pressure off.
Still, I'm a whimp. It was much easier when the matches who winked at me or emailed me were obviously not a match - 20 years older or younger, only interested in sex or in using someone, etc. It's not so easy to honestly assess myself now. If and when I gain any insights on this, I'll let you know.
- Tiffany
posted by Amber and Tiffany at 8:32 PM
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